“Grieving is hard work. In fact, it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done next to parenting. Life and death. Celebration and mourning. I can hear the wind whistle through the cracks in my heart.”
- Jennifer Sanfilippo is a person with a shattered heart who felt compelled to create this multi-media project as a way to process her overwhelming grief and maybe help other people in the process. She is the delighted mother of two magnificent young men and lives in comfortable co-dependence with her three cats in Rochester, NY.
Author’s Note
I’m not a medical professional. I talk about medical things from the perspective of a civilian by-stander. Please remember this when listening to my descriptions of medical processes and procedures. None of what I say with regard to health care is meant to be instructional or prescriptive.
In telling the story of what happened to us during Jim’s cancer life, I share many of my deepest thoughts and feelings as they happened. There were instances throughout our journey that were irritating, upsetting and downright infuriating. I decided not to eliminate or dilute them. Staying close to the emotions has helped me process my grief and understand how to direct my anger. In the end, the main offender was cancer.
I did not use the names of our care professionals. I didn’t think that was necessary. I respected and appreciated most of them. For those I didn’t, well, that doesn’t define who they are as professionals or as people. It’s just one family’s experience at a point in time. Using names in this case may cause harm. That is not my intent.
Admittedly, discharging my anger is like splattering paint. Everyone is going to get some on them. Sometimes the paint is a water color that easily washes off. Sometimes the paint is oil, requiring a solvent to clean it up. And sometimes, it’s not paint at all. It’s tar. I hope that those who get splattered have the confidence, emotional strength and wisdom to take care of themselves and find the right cleaning agent to remove it. If and where any of the anger seems justified, I hope it might encourage helpful changes.
Acknowledgements
The gratitude I feel for the entire staff at the Wilmot Cancer Center is immeasurable. My husband had a nasty disease. With intention and genuine care, the people at the Center did everything they could to help him fight it off.
The nurses, individually and as a team, were outstanding. Having been in the workforce for several decades I can honestly say I’ve never seen a more effective, compassionate culture than that of the Wilmot nursing staff. On behalf of Jim and our whole family, thank you for your exceptional care and kindness. We appreciated you all so much.
To this day, I marvel at the intellectual brilliance of our doctors. We considered ourselves fortunate to have their collective intelligence, expertise and experience supporting Jim’s health care needs. With trust and hope, Jim confidently placed his life in their hands. In return, they honored his trust, nurtured his hope and tried everything they could to fight the beast inside him. Thank you for giving it your all.
To all our friends and family who liberally dispensed love, support, encouragement and humor throughout our ordeal, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. Despite the pandemic ravaging the world around us, you selflessly came to our aid undeterred with cards, letters, gifts, calls, texts and offers for anything we could possibly need. You were an integral part of our health & wellness team, giving us extra strength to wage our daily battles. I’m humbled by your unconditional love and eternally grateful to you all.
Many people and organizations provided information and support to us throughout our journey. “Shout-outs” to express my gratitude are built in to the podcast episodes.